


After

by infiniteworld8



Series: Visible in Hindsight [2]
Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: Anxiety, Blind Character, Drug Induced Unintentional Sexual Assault, Drug-Induced Sex, Drunk Sex, Extreme hurt/comfort, Fucked Up, M/M, Mentions of past kidnapping, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rough Sex, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:19:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteworld8/pseuds/infiniteworld8
Summary: This was supposed to be the easy part...the after.They survived being kidnapped, but the past is still hanging over them both and this time there's no escaping.





	After

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to don't look back and a sequel to Visible In Hindsight

Andy was moody. Moody was the nice way to put it. The simple way to try to encompass what he had been like the past few days. It wasn’t the honest way to say what was going on without going into the rest of what had happened...The truth was moody didn’t begin to describe how he had been acting.

Some asshole in the media had decided it was a good idea to rehash his and Andy’s kidnapping in a series of news shorts entitled “The Abduction of Andy Biersack.”

Andy had tried to turn off the radio and TV when the ads and snippets popped up, but it was a high profile series of shorts being run by a big news channel and as such was splashed across the internet, social media, TV and radio. Plus, Andy himself seemed to have some kind of sick obsession with the events.

Ash couldn’t believe Andy wanted to voluntarily relive what had happened, but to someone who didn’t know him, that’s what it would have seemed like. Ash had tried to keep things radio silence for the first few weeks after Andy’s initial kidnapping and the second one, but he had slowly given up for the most part. Andy listened to the news coverage, read the articles and magazines over and over again.

And after having countless arguments over Andy’s less than healthy media consumption of what had to be the most traumatic event of his life, Ash had decided it wasn’t worth it. The arguing didn’t accomplish anything, and he was too exhausted to do it anyway.

He felt helpless since all he could do was pick up the pieces afterwards.

Like tonight.

This was part III, the final part. Ash had survived the first two parts by being horrendously drunk, both nights. He was on his third beer and sat down on the couch next to Andy. Andy flinched as the couch shifted at his weight.

“Just me.” Ash said rather unnecessarily since it was only them (and their dogs and Andy’s cat) in the apartment anyway.

“I know that, I’m not stupid.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” Andy snapped.

Ash didn’t say anything. Instead he passed the beer in his other hand to Andy who took the bottle only to sit it down. He had an earbud in his ear and the other end was plugged into a tablet. With one hand Andy was massaging Daredevil’s ears.

Ash glanced over taking a peek at the tablet screen to see what Andy was reading. He half didn’t want to see and was afraid what he would find. He relaxed as he saw it was an article from TIME magazine, until he saw the headline “The Sociopaths Among Us: America’s Hidden Murderers.” _Great just what Andy needed to read._

He grabbed the remote from the table and turned on the tv, surfing through the channels until he found a football game. He checked his phone notifications and only half watched the college game. He didn’t realise it for a few minutes that Andy had changed the channel. Ash looked up realising 15 minutes had passed and it was five minutes until 9pm.

Ash’s stomach flipped and he couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Do we have to watch this, I was watching that game.”

“The game finished.”

Ash swallowed a mouthful of his beer, trying to figure out another excuse. Finally he settled on the truth. “I don’t want to watch this.”

“Then don’t.”

Ash tried again “Andy I don’t think you should watch this either, you keep watching this shit and--”

“And?” Andy’s voice was harsh and brittle.

“And…,” Ash tried to figure out what to say without starting a worse argument than what they were having. “It’s not healthy. Not sane….” _fuck, fuck, wrong thing._ Ash winced as Andy’s voice rose cutting him off.

“So now I’m insane? Is that what you think, Ash…?” Andy had turned in his direction and his eyes were wide, letting Ash see the milky eyes that had once been a vivid blue. Ash couldn’t figure out if Andy did this on purpose sometimes for the shock effect or if he actually forgot how weird his eyes looked now and reflexively opened them in an attempt to see.

“I didn’t--”

Andy overtalked him. “I’m not insane or fucked up, if anything this proves how I’m not messed up. If I was fucking obsessed and _not over this_ like you fucking want to tell me then do you think I could sit here and watch this? Could a fucked up person watch this without freaking out? Huh? Could a person get kidnapped and tortured and raped for months than have the same thing happen again and than watch it if they were FUCKED UP AND INSANE!” Andy was breathing hard and red in the face from yelling. He looked slightly deranged.

The logic was messed up and if Andy wasn’t so upset maybe he would have realised that. Ash tried to reason. “You don’t need to prove you’re okay, I just think you--”

“Don’t think for me, Ash!” Andy stood up abruptly sending Daredevil tumbling off his lap and onto the floor. Andy stormed off and Ash thought maybe he was going to bed or something and Ash could turn off the TV. Instead Andy went to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of whiskey.

He came back and sat on the couch with the bottle. He didn’t bother pouring a glass and started drinking straight from the bottle. He sensed Ash watching him and snapped. “I don’t feel like having fucking beer right now, Jesus Christ, stop psychoanalyzing me….you’re such an asshole.” Andy sounded like he was about to cry and Ash though he heard a sniff but when he glanced at Andy, Andy’s eyes were dry and his jaw was a tight line.

Ash bit his lip and forced himself to be quiet. The show was already starting, overly dramatic music than some TV host introducing part III of this “ _horrible real life tale of kidnapping and torture_ ”. That was what the guy said, his face wearing a fake grave look, while his eyes were looking eagerly into the camera.

“Fucking media” Ash muttered under his breath feeling sick. Ash sat through ten minutes of screaming, voiced over parts detailing what had happened, speculations into Andy’s Kidnapper's early life...and slowly drank his way through the beer he was holding and the one Andy had set down. He was four beers deep and a little buzzed, definitely not drunk enough to deal with what he was hearing.

He wondered, was it even possible to get drunk enough to deal with this? Ash’s hand was shaking and he couldn’t take it anymore as the host narrated “What we’re about to show you is a reenactment of the events that took place--” Ash glanced over at Andy who was gripping the bottle of whiskey white knuckled and biting his lip.

Ash tried again...there was no way he wanted to sit here and listen to someone reenact Andy being raped and tortured and no way that Andy should.

“Andy, come on, let’s go to bed.” He leaned over, when Andy didn’t respond and lightly ran his hand down Andy’s arm. “Come on babe.” Andy still didn’t respond so Ash shifted closer, worried that Andy wasn’t reacting at all.

“Andy?”

Andy didn’t say a word. Ash looked back at the TV to see some guy bent over a shadowy figure breathing heavily and moving rhythmically. Ash turned away, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and about to turn it off when a hand grabbed his own.

Ash jerked back, surprised as Andy took the remote from his hand. “I have to watch this.” Andy held the remote tightly one one hand before setting it down on the other side of him (away from Ash) and drinking from the bottle of whiskey he still held. Andy was taking large swallows like he was trying to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. He pulled the bottle away long enough to burp than went back to drinking like his life depended on it.

Ash tried to intervene. “Andy, you should slow down. If you drink this much , you’re going to be seriously fucked up in the morning.”

Andy didn’t look at him as he said bluntly “Leave me alone.”

Ashley felt helpless. Sure he could unplug the TV or wrestle the remote from Andy, but that didn’t stop the bigger issue. Andy hadn’t gotten over what had happened, and in fact was reliving it constantly.

Ash’s skin was crawling, he had to get away, the sounds from the TV were only making his own memories come back vividly. Ash tried to keep his voice steady as he made an excuse for leaving. “I’m going to make us some food. Burgers? Or do you want something else?” Andy didn’t respond and Ash wasn’t really expecting him to. He stood up, accidentally knocking one of the empty beer bottles to the floor. Andy jumped as the floor was showered in glass. He thought about cleaning up the glass but that would have meant he had to stay and listen longer….he couldn’t handle that.

Ash went to the kitchen and tried to zone out, not wanting to hear the TV. He was mostly not successful. 30 minutes and two beers later he came back to the sofa and sat down two plates and another beer for himself. Andy was a little less than halfway through his bottle of whiskey and didn’t move to take the plate Ash tried to hand him. Ash sat it down and grabbed his own burger. It was perfectly cooked; the bun was freshly made from a bakery down the street, and the lettuce and tomato were from some farmer’s market Andy had insisted they check out during one of their runs.

He managed half his burger before setting it down. The food was churning in his stomach and the last bite in his mouth was like chewing sawdust. He spat it out in a napkin and checked the time on his phone. There was 10 minutes left. Ash glanced at the screen and then quickly looked away as some expert speculated on what it was like to have your eyes burned out by acid.

Andy was biting his lip so hard it was turning pale. “Andy?”

Ash tried one last time and this time was rewarded by Andy turning his head slightly and said “What?”

“I’m not messed up.” Andy said quietly.

“Andy I didn’t say--You don’t have to wa--”

“Just listen, I know you think I’m crazy but I need to watch this.” Andy took a deep breath and continued quieter. “I need to remember.”

“What?” Ash stared at Andy in confusion. _He needed to remember what?_ _Why would anybody want to remember everything that had happened to him? Ash himself drank to forget what had happened to both of them._

“I don’t know what’s real or what happened or what’s something I just remember happening...I don’t know what he made me do...If--if I can figure out maybe I can…” Andy trailed off. He sniffled a tear started down his cheek quickly followed by another.

“Can what?” Ash waited and when Andy didn’t respond he added. “You have to let it go.”

“I can’t just forget about him--it, I don’t want to, I--”

“Is this because of him?” Ash immediately knew what he was saying was unfair but couldn’t stop himself. “Are you still beating yourself up over what happened at the warehouse? That guy tried to kill us both; I’m glad he’s dead okay and you should be too.”

Andy had tears trickling down his cheeks. “I am just--I miss--”

“You weren’t in love with him!”

“I didn’t say that!” Andy yelled out angrily.

Ash over talked him. “He didn’t give a fuck about you, he stockholmed you and almost killed us both, he locked you up, starved , raped you and blinded you...so you don’t have to feel anything for him!”

“I-I do-don’t.” Andy said the last words so softly. Ash knew he didn’t fully mean it. Andy turned back decisively. “I want to be alone right now.”

“Andy, don’t do this.” Ash tried again. “Whatever it is we’ll get through it together, I told you.”

“I don’t want to fucking talk to you right now!”

“Andy, please let’s--”

“Leave me the fuck alone Ashley!”

“Yeah...yeah okay.” Ash stood up warily, wanting to sink his fist into something. Breaking his fingers would have been a preferable distraction from what he felt like right now. _Andy was trying to torture himself? He still felt something for master? What exactly had Andy done...what was he remembering?_

Ash hesitated a long time, lingering in the hallway, wanting to go back but knowing Andy would just push him away. So instead, Ash walked to their bedroom and tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he was back in that warehouse. _Watching Andy be hurt, helpless to do anything, feeling his own face pressed against the concrete as that guy rap—_

Ash forced his mind back from the memory. He opened his eyes and stared upward into the dark. He wasn’t sure what, if anything, would fix Andy... _fix them_.

It was at least another half an hour before the bedroom door opened and Andy walked in. Andy didn’t immediately go to bed, instead he navigated his way to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the light. Ash heard the sound of the toilet being used and what sounded like a pill bottle being opened. A few minutes later the door opened, Ash turned on the bedside lamp as he heard a sob. Andy’s face was ghost pale and he had tears running down his cheeks.

“I shouldn’t have said that stuff to you..” The bed creaked heavily as he sat on it. “You know I love you, right?” Andy’s voice was gasping like he had been crying a lot and was having difficulty stopping. He was also thickly slurring his words as the quantity of alcohol he drank finally kicked in. “Like a lot, like more than anything.”

“Yeah.” Ash reached out gently pulling Andy down so he was resting against his chest. Andy turned so his face was buried in the shirt Ash was wearing. Ash felt tears soaking through the thin cotton and his own eyes burned. Andy mumbled. “I just want to go back to how it was before all this happened.”

Ash didn’t know what to say to that. Agreeing hardly felt right. Instead he gripped Andy tighter and ran a hand through Andy’s hair, which was starting to go blond at the roots again. “We’ll figure this out.”

Andy seemed to have stopped sobbing so Ash took that moment to ask what was a common question nowadays: “Did you eat any of that food I set out?”

The answer was expected but Ash still frowned at Andy’s reply. “No…. my stomach was upset.” During his captivity Andy had lost over 40 pounds and had yet to regain even half of it back. He had always been thin but now he was even more so, Ash could clearly feel Andy’s ribs through his shirt. Since being kidnapped he didn’t eat well, frequently complained of being nauseated or would even vomit after meals. Add along the emotional rollercoaster that was Andy’s moods and  Andy was lucky to keep food down most meals, and after making himself even more worked up watching that show, Ash knew tomorrow was going to be a day of soup and toast if he wanted to coax Andy into eating anything.

“You’re going to be really really hungover in the morning drinking all that on an empty stomach.” Ash continued carding his fingers through Andy’s hair as he talked and Andy for his part had settled against Ash’s chest, tears slowly drying on his cheeks. Ash leaned down and kissed his forehead then gently pushed Andy off.

Immediately Andy asked, a tad of worry in his voice. “Where are you going?... Are you mad at me? I’m sorry, I’ll eat if you want me--”

The note of worry and hurried acquiescence in Andy’s voice made Ash feel sick. Ash kissed him again this time on the lips then pulled away. He tried to keep his voice light so Andy wouldn’t realise he was upset but his heart still hurt. _Fucking bastard, if that guy wasn’t dead he would gladly kill him again and again. He shouldn’t have to tell Andy any of this._ “I’m not mad babe. We’ll do pancakes or something in the morning. But you need a few glasses of water and some aspirin at the very least. Or you’re going to have a killer headache.”

“Yeah, okay.” Andy relaxed and laid back on the bed tiredly. Ash grabbed a half full glass of now lukewarm water off the nightstand and filled it up in the bathroom. He was about to leave and bring Andy the water when he noticed a pill bottle on the counter. It was his prescription for sleeping pills, one of the many medications Andy had been prescribed over the months. _Ambien 5mg by mouth nightly as needed. Quantity 30_. Ash couldn't remember the count when he had last checked or the reason he had last checked. Andy’s behavior had been erratic, ever since everything started and until he started running a few weeks ago Ash had been seriously considering driving him to a hospital and forcing him to talk to someone.

That had gotten much better since Andy had started running and around that time changed a lot. He got up and ate breakfast most days, fed the dogs, and if Ash was honest, in addition to taking care of himself, he had on more than one occasion dragged Ash himself out of a funk. But Andy still had bad days. Really, really, bad days...and even worse nights.

He checked the bottle and counted. There were fifteen left...which didn’t tell him much except Andy hadn’t in a fit of desperate stupidity tried to overdose. Still, alcohol and booze wasn’t a good mix and if he had taken even a couple with drinking, that could cause serious issues.

“Drink up.” Andy groaned as Ash set down on the bed and tried to turn his head away.

“I’m not thirsty.”

“Yeah, but you need it.” He held the glass out pointedly, bumping the cold rim against Andy’s face until Andy flipped him off but reluctantly sat up and swallowed a few mouthfuls.

He tried to keep his voice off hand but wasn’t entirely successful. “Did you take sleeping pills tonight?”

“No.” Andy said it quickly and tilted his head down slightly as he drank more water. Ash was fairly sure he was lying.

“Liquor and sleeping pills mixed can kill you, are you trying to--”

Andy turned his face up at that. “I wasn’t--what kind of asshole do you think I am? Why would I overdose then get in bed with you so you have to wake up to my dead body? I wouldn’t do that to you. You already almost watched me die once” Andy sniffled at the end, tears falling anew.

The way Andy had phrased it, made Ash even more sure that Andy had taken a sleeping pill or two but he sounded serious about not intentionally trying to hurt himself. In any case, he felt like an asshole for making Andy cry again. What was worrying though was the way he had laid it all out like it was a plan he had decided on then discarded because Andy was worried about hurting him.

“I’m tired. I’m just tired.” Andy was sobbing again now in earnest. Ash grabbed the now half empty glass from his hand and started helping Andy out of his jeans and shirt. He stripped him down to his boxers, briefly considering changing Andy into some clothes for sleeping, then decided it wasn’t worth the coaxing it would require. Instead he tucked Andy in than quickly changed into his own clothes and joined Andy in bed.

As soon as he laid down, Andy tentatively pulled closer to him, and whispered urgently in a sleepily slurred voice. “Ash, I’m sorry...you asked me did I feel anything for-- Master--that guy…” Andy didn’t speak for a minute then said quietly. “I lied.” Andy continued crying, soaking through Ash’s shirt once more. His entire body was trembling.

Ash was quiet, his chest felt frozen. By the time Ash opened his mouth to speak (he still had no idea what he was going to say) Andy had fallen asleep. His face was blotchy, the skin around his eyes was swollen and he was hiccuping slightly as he slept. Andy looked miserable.

Ash reached over and turned out the light. He laid there for a long time in the dark listening to Andy’s gaspy congested breaths even out. At some point he fell asleep but he had no memory of it.

~O~

Ash woke up with his bladder bursting and gently disentangled himself from Andy’s arm which was slung over him. Andy seemed to still be asleep and murmured to himself slightly as Ash moved him but otherwise didn’t react.

He blindly navigated his way to the bathroom, unwilling to turn on a light and risk waking Andy then realised once he was there he could turn it on and it wouldn't matter because Andy was blind.

He quickly used the toilet , washed his hands then got back in bed. The clock on the bedside table said 0039. Ash didn’t remember the exact time they had went to sleep but he knew it had been late. He didn’t feel rested at all and his mouth was dry. Ash contemplated getting back out of bed for a glass of water, but didn’t get farther than that before he felt a hand slipping past the waistband of his pajama pants.

Ash wasn’t sure whether Andy was fully awake or sleep groping him, and with Andy being blind it wasn’t like he could use whether his eyes were open or closed as a cue.

“Ash?” Andy still didn’t sound totally awake, and his words were slurred enough that last night's whiskey was in full effect.

“Yeah” Ash, answered as Andy’s teeth nibbled his neck.

“Wanna…” Andy trailed off, too busy momentarily groping Ash to apparently finish his thought.

Ash had a good mind what Andy wanted and his idea was cemented when Andy muttered drunkenly. “‘fuck”

Andy punctuated the comment by sucking on Ash’s neck in a way that was sure to leave a hickey.

Ash turned to see Andy still hadn’t opened his eyes and asked “Are you even awake? You sound half asleep.”

Andy didn’t respond, instead he was working at getting Ash’s pants down. Andy was still very obviously drunk and Ash didn’t feel closer to sobriety than not himself. But Andy was insistent and if the boner now nudging his leg was any indication he wasn’t getting back to sleep or getting Andy back to sleep any time soon.

“Yeah,” Andy answered the question a minute too late and it took Ash a moment to realise what question Andy was responding to. When he realised he rolled his eyes. Ash wasn’t sure he would be able to get hard enough for them to have full blown sex, but he figured if he could at least satisfy Andy enough then he would stop groping him. Either that or Ash was going to have to sleep on the couch, and when Andy woke up in the morning that would open up a whole new realm of insecurities, plus Ash wasn’t entirely opposed to late night drunk sex if they worked up to that.

Ash kissed Andy back, not minding that both their mouths tasted a little gross. After a few minutes of lazily making out. Ash figured he could get Andy off and that Andy was probably so drunk he’d fall asleep.

Ash drifted lower until he reached the fork of Andy’s legs. He took a moment to stroke the semi-flaccid length , then he licked from base to tip, before taking just the tip in his mouth. Expertly he worked his lips and tongue up and down before swallowing as much as he could. Andy’s fingers twined in his hair, running through the strands and gently he thrusted his pelvis up. Ash sucked hard, moving his mouth faster. He could feel Andy trembling like he was close. Abruptly Andy pulled away.

Ash sat up confused. Before he could ask why they had stopped Andy said “I wanna fuck.” He slurred the words as he said it, then giggled a little. _Definitely still really drunk but at least he seemed happy drunk this time._

He had been flaccid when they started but now he was half hard. Ash only briefly hesitated before scooting upward to the top of the bed and groping in a bedside drawer for lube. He found it and applied it to himself. He moved back down so he was over Andy and started kissing him again as he one handedly pumped both their lengths in one fist. Ash waited for Andy to make a move.

Ash usually let Andy chose the position. Some positions were okay some days, other days those same ones could cause a panic attack. They continued kissing and groping each other, Andy first laid on his side, but, as Ash was about to slide in, tensed, breathing hard. Ash waited a minute, then they tried Missionary. Ash carefully positioned himself over Andy and slid in. Andy tensed but then moved with him. They started to get a rhythm until Ash felt Andy tense once again and pull away. He was breathing hard.

“What?” Ash immediately regretted asking that. _He already knew what was wrong._ Andy didn’t answer the question though; instead, he said, “Wanna fuck you.” Andy heavily slurred the last word.

Ash was still half horny, but now he just wanted to finish so they could both sleep. He helped Andy get lubed up and laid on his back. Andy stroked Ash a few times before sliding in. He thrusted sloppily, too drunk and probably half asleep to keep a steady rhythm. Still it was enjoyable. He was leaning over Ash so every time he moved Ash’s length, which lay against his stomach, was brushed by Andy’s chest and abdomen. Ash reached down stroking himself as Andy started to pick up pace.

Andy surprised him by leaning down and kissing him roughly, biting his lips as he pulled away. It hurt a little and Ash tasted blood in his mouth. Andy mumbled, “You like that don’t you?”

Ash grunted as Andy punctuated his words with a harder than usual thrust. That hurt too, but more pleasurable than painful. “Like a little slut.” Andy added, his voice deeper and rougher than usual. Ash was surprised when Andy slapped his thigh. His skin burned and tingled as it smarted from the blow.

They almost never were this rough but lately Ash noticed Andy had been getting more aggressive sometimes during sex. Usually it was requests for things to be done to him, like Ash holding his neck down, or being lightly slapped. Ash wasn’t entirely comfortable with these requests and it was something they fought about. Ash worried Andy just wanted him to do that stuff to him because of what Master had done. But Andy taking control over him was different and he didn’t mind as much. Still it was strange, usually Andy was hesitant, almost apologetic. Now it was almost like he was having sex with a different person.

Andy pulled out and directed him to turn over; wordlessly Ash obeyed. It wasn’t until he was on his stomach with his face against the comforter that he realised this wasn’t a good idea. He could feel Andy slide back in and felt him start thrusting again, but even though it was Andy behind him, he was feeling cold concrete on his face and he was back in the warehouse with that guy over him and Andy bleeding out somewhere nearby.

“A-Andy stop.” Or at least that’s what he tried to say. His breath was caught in his throat. Andy was getting rougher too. Each thrust was harder. Ash managed to gasp out “Stop.” But Andy either didn’t hear him or was too caught up to do so. Ash struggled but Andy held him down. Ash felt a hand on the back of his neck and then his face was pressed into the bed, so tightly he could barely breathe, let alone turn his head. Ash was terrified now, he could hear Andy above him grunting and breathing hard.

“You little fucker.” He slurred out the words, his fingers tightening with every word. “You’re goin’ to learn t’ like this.”

Ash could barely breathe. He wasn’t aroused anymore. He felt sick. “Andy please, please…” Ash begged feeling tears on his face.

“No one’s ever goin’ to separate us.” Andy was brutal in his pace, Ash felt like something was ripping inside of him. He screamed out from the pain but the sound was muffled by the blanket and Andy didn’t react. “You’re mine forever, pet.”

That last word told Ash all he needed to know. Andy wasn’t going to stop, Andy couldn’t stop, because Andy wasn’t in control right now. Whatever fucked up memory he was in had consumed him.

Ash struggled, screamed out, but it was futile. After a while he couldn’t do more than try to draw in a breath and not pass out from the pain. It seemed like hours but couldn’t have been more than minutes. Then he felt Andy jerk against him and then he was cumming. Andy collapsed against him, muttering something about how he loved his “pet”. Ash turned his head as Andy’s iron grip on his neck loosened. Ash desperately sucked in air. Gulping it down through sobs.

He didn’t dare move for a minute or two, then decided to take his chances. He couldn’t stand to be by Andy any longer. It may not have been his fault about what was going on but Ash had to go. Andy seemed to be drifting off to sleep and Ash slipped out from under him and painfully made his way to the bathroom. He tried to stand but his legs felt like jello. Instead he half-crawled there and bolted the door behind him. He could feel something wet and sticky on his legs and smelled the mix of blood and semen. He reached up turning on the light and saw that his own chest and stomach was wet and at some point he must have came too. It glistened in milky smears down his abdomen. Andy’s semen was on Ash’s thighs. Ash used the sink to try to pull himself a standing position and gave up as the pain was too much. He was still bleeding, drops of red fell to the floor rolling down his thighs in rivulets.

He felt sick to his stomach and dry heaved, nothing came up, but it made his stomach hurt more. Gingerly he reached back touching himself. His entire buttocks were sore. And his rectum was in agony. Blood coated his fingertips as he tried to see how badly he was hurt. He used the sink to try to pull himself up again and this time he was successful. He started at himself in the mirror. His lips were bleeding from him having bitten them. His face was blotchy with tears. Ash turned slightly so he could see his back and saw where Andy had bitten him repeatedly and slapped him. Marks colored in those areas.

The worst was his ass. Blood slicked his back end, intermingled with semen it was smeared across his skin and trickles ran down his legs, forming a puddle on the floor. Ash quickly grabbed some toilet paper and held it to himself trying to stem the flow of blood, and that was when it all became too much.

Ash bent over the sink and vomited. His stomach was still cramping and he felt like he had to shit. He used a break in the puking to pull a garbage can close and sit on the toilet. His stomach contracted again and again and Ash bent over, hands clutching the trash can so he could spit into it. He couldn’t stop trembling and eventually, the trash can slipped out his hands. He didn’t bother to retrieve it, he couldn’t hold it anyway. Instead he wrapped his hands around his abdomen and rocked back and forth, as much to try to soothe himself and to take the pain away.

Another stab of pain ripped through him and Ash puked again, this time onto the floor. It spattered back onto his legs, adding to the mess already there. He had a little diarrhea but it was mostly blood and semen that drained out of him.

Ash felt light headed and wondered if he should  go to the hospital, but how would he explain this? How did he tell the doctors and nurse--and probably someone would call the police--what had happened? Secondly, he didn’t have a phone with him and getting one would have meant opening the door and going out. Ash could barely stand and he didn’t want to face Andy. _He didn’t even know if it was safe to face And_ y.

After a few minutes the diarrhea lightened up and Ash was close enough to passing out that he knew he had to lay down regardless of the mess he made. The bathroom tile was cold but he pressed his face to it, trying not to think of how similar cold tile was to cold concrete. He laid there breathing slowly and trying not to puke and waited for the pain and bleeding to get better or for him to pass out at least.

It took minutes ...maybe it was hours, but the bleeding slowed to a very slow trickle and then to an ooze. He still felt nauseated and his stomach hurt. Ash pulled himself up slowly as his head swam in dizziness. _He had to get out of here._ Ash grabbed a towel off the rack and wiped at the mess on the floor before tossing the towel in the garbage. He splashed water on his face, then unlocked the door. Andy shifted slightly on the bed as he laid there nude, covered by just a sheet on the bed, but he didn’t wake. Ash pulled on a pair of pants and a hoodie and shoved his feet into shoes trying not to cry out.

Every movement hurt.

 _It hurt like it had after…_ _Don’t think...don’t think…._ Ash screamed the words in his head and left the bedroom as quickly as he could manage. He left the apartment.

He didn’t know where he was going. He wasn’t thinking clearly. A half an hour later he was shivering hard and hurting worse than ever. It was late night but there was still a few cabs around, he was only vaguely thinking when he flagged one down.

“Where to?” Ash didn’t speak for a moment, he hadn’t thought of a destination when he first got in. Ash shivered and rubbed his arms. He blurted out CC’s place and settled back against the seat. CC at least wouldn’t ask too many questions...hopefully.

They got to CC’s place and by than Ash was shaking. The cab driver had asked him a few times if he was okay and Ash couldn’t remember what he had said but whatever it was the guy looked relieved when he pulled up in front of CC’s place.

Ash started to get out and stopped as the cab driver said. “You going to pay me buddy?”

Ash stared at him blankly. _Money...right_. His head felt fuzzy, he patted his sweat pants and found the pockets empty. He stared at the guy a few seconds longer and let his hands fall to his sides before he reached back for the door.

The cab driver swore at him as he stepped out. Ash focused on walking. His legs ached and his stomach was still upset. _He just had to get to CC then  it would be okay._ Ash made it to the door and rang the bell.

No one answered. Ash tried again and leaned against the door frame. He tried to clear his head by taking a few deep breaths but his throat hurt every time he did. _Was CC even home, what if he was out...what if the cab driver drove away and left him here , anyone could come after him, it was the middle of the night. Or what if the cab driver wasn’t really a cab driver and he was…_

Thoughts spiralled in his head out of control.

Behind him the cabbie yelled “Are you on drugs or something?” When Ash didn’t answer the man added “I’m going to call the cops.”

Ash heard barking from inside CC’s place and than the door was clinking as he unlocked it. “Fuck, it’s the middle of the night.” CC hadn’t got the door opened but he was already complaining. “Ash what the hell are you doing here?”

The door swung open and CC appeared. His hair was loose around his shoulders and mussed. Sleep clung to his eyelids, he was wearing what looked like pajama pants he had hastily pulled on (CC liked to sleep nude). “You can stop ringing the bell now.”

Ash jumped as a few seconds later CC pushed his hand away from the door bell button, Ash realised than he had been continuously holding it down.

“If you don’t pay I’m calling the cops.” CC was looking at Ash closely but now he looked up as the cabbie yelled out.

CC didn’t respond to the cabbie immediately but instead said confusedly “You took a cab here? Why didn’t you drive? Are you drunk?”

Ash didn’t answer but instead leaned against the door frame more. CC seemed to realise something was very wrong. “Ash, is Andy okay?” Ash forced himself to speak. “Y-yeah.” His teeth were chattering, he felt cold.

“Are you?” Ash didn’t speak this time and instead shook his head. His eyes started to burn and before he knew it he was crying.

CC took charge of the situation. “Okay, come inside, I’ll pay for the cab.” Ash tried to force his legs to move but they felt like jello. CC slipped a arm under his, Ash flinched away but CC didn’t let go. “Come on I’ll help you in.”

“Is he sick?” The cabbie was asking CC now. CC called over his shoulder stiffly. “He’s fine, I’ll pay you.”

With CC’s help, Ash settled on a chair at the kitchen table, sitting at the edge so the least amount of pressure was on his buttocks possible. “I’m going to go pay that guy real quick and then we’ll talk.”

Ash tried to calm himself as CC left. He closed his eyes and tried to tell himself it was all going to be okay. _Nothing had really happened. Andy hadn’t meant to hurt him. Hadn't meant to hold him down and force him to be still, hadn’t meant to make him bleed and scream and--_

Ash jumped out his chair as a hand touched his shoulder. The chair skidded backwards across the wood floor. CC raised his hands in a placating gesture. “I just asked if you were awake.” CC flipped on more lights and that was when he stopped with his mouth opened and his lips parted but whatever else he was going to say had died on his lips.

“You’ve got bruises on your neck.” Ash unconsciously reached a hand up, feeling where Andy had held him. CC slowly came closer. He reached out slowly, and pulled the hoodie collar away so he could see better. Ash saw him swallow and bite his lip before he added. “You’ve got a bite mark on your shoulder too...Ash what happened?”

“I-I...Andy...we…” the words wouldn’t come and he felt like he was going to freak out if he tried to continue. CC looked like he was having difficulty holding it together.

“Ash, you show up on my doorstep at 3 am , you’re obviously beat up, and where’s Andy?” CC continued. “I’m calling the cops and an ambulance if you don’t say something.”

Ash’s tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth. CC grabbed his cellphone off the table and started dialing, Ash reached out grabbing it. “I’m--o-o-okay.”

“Then tell me what happened!”

“C-C-C-can…” Ash trailed off trying to compose himself enough to talk coherently. “Some water?”

“Yeah, okay.” CC filled a glass and Ash sat back down as the glass was placed in front of him. CC settled opposite. Ash drank the water  to give himself something to do and time to stop shaking. The water settled in his stomach unpleasantly but he drank half the glass slowly before setting it down.

“It was--a vampire.” Ash forced his face into a smile that looked more like a grimace. CC didn’t smile back.

“You’re drunk.” CC said it matter of factly. “But cut the bullshit, that’s a human bite on your shoulder, and fingerprints on your neck. Were you in a fight? A bar fight?”

Ash took the explanation CC had unwittingly given him. “I was at a bar...downtown. Andy didn’t want to come.” Ash took another drink of water than regretted it as his stomach protested at the new addition. He continued. “There was these guys and we got into it and I got the worst.”

“Why didn’t you go home to Andy? Does he even know where you are?”

“Yeah, It’s fine. I just...can I stay here tonight.”

CC looked like he wanted to protest but sighed. “Yeah, you can. I’ll get you some clothes , but we’re talking in the morning and I’m calling Andy tonight to make sure he knows you’re here.”

‘What? No, don’t call him. Just--” Ash didn’t want CC to talk to Andy, or he would realize it was a lie. Or more likely, Andy as drunk and medicated as he was wouldn’t answer and that would cause a whole new round of questions from CC.

He tried to figure out something to make CC not call. “He’s tired...didn’t get to sleep-- until late-- that documentary was on…”

“What documentary?” CC was momentarily puzzled than his face fell “Oh, that one. Don’t tell me you let him watch it.”

Ash shrugged. “Try getting him not to.”

“So you guys had an argument and you left out to get drunk and got in a fight?” CC’s face relaxed as he thought he figured it out.

It was easiest to agree so Ash said “Yes.”

Ash stomach was really upset by this time, he stood up feeling nauseated.  “I’m going to the bathroom.” CC’s dogs had moved towards him and milled around his legs wanting pats. Ash tripped as one tried to weave his way around his legs. CC reached out to help him. “You really, need to stop drin--” CC paused staring at something on Ash’s freshly vacated seat.

Ash followed his gaze and saw a small smear of blood. CC was now looking at the back of Ash’s grey sweatpants with a horrified look on his face. “Ash you’re bleeding.”

It was obvious after Ash looked over his shoulder where the blood was coming from. The seat of his sweat pants had a dark red stain. Ash felt his face pale.

“Ash...those guys...were you raped?”

_Raped…”you like that don’t you”...hold still...I’m going to fuck you and make him watch...Andy Stop!_

Pieces of memories flashed through his mind and Ash pulled away and threw up. CC jumped back. Ash bent over hands on his knees breathing heavy and wiped a hand across his mouth before straightening up.

“That’s it. I’m calling the cops and an ambulance. And Andy.  And Jake and Jinxx can--”

“It was rough sex--” Ash cut CC’s panicked tirade off. Ash to his embarrassment started crying again. He mumbled out the rest of the story in a rush. “We both got drunk, and --” Ash gulped trying to keep himself calm and not give away how recounting what had happened was making his skin crawl. “We had sex, and Andy got a little rough…”

Ash trailed off and CC stared at him blankly. “He choked you?”

Ash shrugged, trying and failing at being nonchalant. “He wasn’t going to hurt me.”

“Ash you’re bleeding!”

“It’s not that bad. “ Ash swallowed and lied lamely. “We didn’t use enough lube and he doesn’t top as much.”

CC ran a hand through hair exasperatedly. “So Andy’s home now?”

“Yeah. He fell asleep after...afterwards”

“And you came here.”

Ash didn’t speak instead he laced his fingers together bending them back. He swallowed trying to keep his emotions under control and avoided CC’s gaze.

CC’s voice was quiet as he said briskly. “You can borrow some of my clothes and I’ll get the pull out couch ready, we’ll figure this all out.”

Ash nodded numbly and looked up just in time to see CC watching him closely and looking worried. CC quickly cleared his face adopting a neutral expression and Ash turned away starting towards where he remembered the bathroom was.

~O~

CC waited until Ash was gone and he heard the shower running before he pulled out his phone. All traces of sleep had faded after he had listened to Ash. CC could guess what had happened even though Ash had danced around the issue. Ash wasn’t okay and CC had little idea what to do. He didn’t think it was a good idea to leave Ash alone, nor was calling the police. But someone needed to check on Andy.

~O~

Jinxx rolled over as his phone rang for the third time. _Who was calling him this late at night._ Jinxx clumsily answered as the phone rang insistently again. “Hello?”

Jinxx nearly clicked off as he heard CC’s voice. “Jinxx listen, you--”

“It’s like 2am, I’m trying to sleep.”

“It’s about Ash and Andy.”

Jinxx sat up at that, turning on the light. “What happened?”

“Ash showed up at my place tonight, with bloody clothes. He’s out of it, half drunk. Something happened but Ash won’t say what but I think Andy did it.”

“Does Ash need the hospital?”

CC frowned and hesitated before answering. “I don’t know… The blood is from  when they had sex Ash says it’s from not enough lube but…”

Jinnx ran a hand over his face before taking charge. “Okay, I’ll call Jake and we’ll go check on Andy. I’ll call you as soon as I know something. Let me know if anything changes.”

“Yeah.” Jinxx got out of bed, dialing Jake with one hand as he pulled on a pair of jeans with the other.

“Jake...yeah it’s me. Something happened between Ash and Andy and it’s bad…”

            ~O~

Ash scrubbed his skin until it was reddened and almost hurt. The water was almost scalding and he stayed under the stream lathering up repeatedly until finally it ran cold and he heard CC knocking on the door adn calling out,

“Ash are you okay?”

Ash mumbled a reply back, not exactly sure what he had said but whatever it was, it was enough that CC stopped bothering him. Ash toweled off and pulled on the pajama pants, boxers and T shir CCt had set aside. He was still bleeding but it was just smears now when he wiped so he folded a wad of toilet paper up and placed that in his underwear before pulling them up.

He felt gross and dirty, like someway everything that had happened was his fault. He should have realised Andy was too drunk/half asleep/ emotionally messed up for them to have sex that night. He should have been able to get Andy to stop. He should have just cleaned up and pretended nothing happened instead of running away and hiding out at CC’s house.

Ash unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out to find CC hovering around. He was wiping down the chairs and table with lysol. CC always cleaned when he was stressed and tonight was no exception. “Do you want something to eat?”

Ash shook his head.

“Something to drink?”

Ash shook his head again. Shakily he navigated his way to the bed CC had pulled out from the couch and made up. He sat on the edge trying to keep his breaths even. CC walked over, “are you sure you don’t need the hospital?”

Ash shook his head still not speaking.

“You’re bleeding a lot, something could be messed up. You--”

“I don’t want to go!” Ash nearly yelled the words and was surprised at his own voice. CC took a step back.

Ash couldn’t stop now that he had started. “I don’t want to go to the hospital. They’ll ask questions, some of them will probably make fun, the press will find out. Andy didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean to. I’m okay, I’m okay...I’m oka….” Ash started crying and continued repeating over and over “I’m okay.” His breathing was getting faster and faster after his rushed words until he couldn’t speak he was breathing so hard. He was shaking and sobbing. CC carefully sat down next to him, remembering how he had seen the guys and Ash calm Andy down when he had panic attacks while they had been in the ICU.

“Slow deep breaths.” CC carefully placed a hand on Ash’s back and when he didn’t flinch away gave his shoulders an awkward rub. “It’s going to be okay.”

It took at least half an hour before Ash’s breathing finally settled. By than Ash was pale and still half crying but no longer breathing fast and CC felt exhausted.

“Maybe try to get some sleep?”

Ash nodded, than rubbed a hand across his eyes. “Do you have a drink? Whiskey? Whatever?”

CC frowned. “Ash, man. You’re already half drunk and--”

“I need something.” Ash rubbed his arms, feeling close to breaking down again. “My skin feels like it’s crawling, I want to sleep but…”

“Okay.” CC still sounded unsure but he got up and when he came back it was a small glass of whiskey. Ash gulped it down wanting more. Wanting to drink until he passed out and it was all okay because he woke up and found out everything tonight had just been a nightmare.

His eyes burned and he set the glass down quickly, laying down and pulling the covers up. Ash couldn’t stop the tears from coming.


End file.
